What is this feeling?

I’m feeling kind of strange about something.  Over the past few days I have been feeling kind of low about it. It’s eating at me.  Even to admit it’s eating at me kills me on the off chance my former husband reads this.  Yes, something you’re doing is getting to me (surprise, surprise!).

I have a lot of big emotions going on over many different things at the moment so maybe this seems bigger than it actually is, but something is bothering me.

My former husband has yet another new woman on the scene – this does not bother me.  She has met the children – this does not bother me.  I was not told that she was meeting the children – this does not bother me.  They all attended a family event for his family over the weekend – this bothers me.

The children don’t 100% understand the concept of “Dad’s girlfriend”.  None of the children discuss her with me even though I welcome the open discussion.  After all, this woman is spending time with my children, she is a part of their lives why shouldn’t they be able to discuss her with me.  But my 6 year old made reference to them not liking her spending time with them and their Dad and that he wishes it was me there instead of her.

I don’t think their father fully explained to them what it meant for him to have a girlfriend who is spending so much time with them and when I attempted to explain it they became upset because it’s another nail in the coffin so to speak, another sign to say that this is their lives now. Mum and Dad no longer together.

I am bothered by them attending this family event “as a family” because it doesn’t seem like that long ago that I was there at these events and I thought that maybe my former husband would at least wait until we are officially divorced before parading around his “new family”.

At the end of the day we are still married.  I am respectful of that and am very mindful of not having anyone visibly around, definitely not introducing anyone to the children and not attending any events with anyone else.

It feels like I’ve been conveniently lifted out of his “old family”, shipped off to a different house and he’s brought in his latest girlfriend to form a “new family”.  It feels like there was no respect for “us” as a family or our former union. No respect that the children are still grieving the loss of that life we once had.  It’s all been swept aside with no regard for anyone’s feelings because it’s his life, his children and he is entitled to do whatever he likes – as he so often reminds me.

For a moment I thought I might be feeling jealousy but that’s definitely not it. I’m so relieved to be out of that relationship and so much happier.  I was in a relationship where I couldn’t even take a shower without my husband sexting other women and now being out of that situation I know it wasn’t healthy for him, me or our children to be in that toxic emotionally abusive environment.  Plus I know how those family events went – my former husband would have an awesome time relaxing, having a few drinks and I would chase our kids around a house that wasn’t baby proof not being able to socialise or even eat. Having any drinks was out of the question as I always be the designated driver. It honestly felt like I was there as his driver and babysitter. So I had a little chuckle to myself that this woman is now in that position – good luck love!!!!

I’m also kind of annoyed with his family.  He tossed me aside without any regard for our family unit and now they’re opening their arms to another women whose been slotted in and gushing about how nice it is to see him happy.

Maybe it’s just another step in his ultimate betrayal and disrespect of me and our relationship. He didn’t respect our union when we were together so to expect any sort of respect at this point during our separation really is a joke.

I don’t know.  It just highlights the difference between him and I and why we didn’t work out.  Our marriage was the most important thing in my life, I cherished it and I cut anyone out of my life who would put that union into jeopardy whereas he was the exact opposite.

Now, post separation I am very careful not to be seen as moving on too quickly out of respect for that union and our children whereas he’s had a revolving door of women.  If you want to parade around your new woman and act like a little family at least apply for a divorce from your former wife and do things the right way for once in your life!

*sigh* I guess this is just another step in the divorce process that I must work through in order to move forward.

Do you have any advice for me?

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