These days, I don’t need an alarm, my 2 and 4-year-old boys now share a room so they wake around 7 am and start playing with a small train set in their bedroom and hearing them play through the baby monitor wakes me up.
Sometimes I watch them for a while, sometimes I turn the monitor off and try and sneak in 5 more minutes sleep, sometimes I just lay there and listen.
Mr 4 thinks he’s a YouTube star so he pretends he’s making a video. He’s directing Mr 2 to do this or do that. It’s very cute. They’re chatting away and then I hear one phrase that makes me jump up in fear:
“We need to move quickly, we’re late”
OMG, it’s me!!! He sounds just like me!! Funny how they hear one phrase, once or twice and then pick it up………
Except he hasn’t heard that phrase once or twice, he hears it at least 3-4 times a day. We are forever late. No, hang on, that should be I am forever late.
And no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try I am always late and I’ve usually forgotten something you’ve asked me to bring. At this point, I feel I could be the most organised Mum on this planet and still not arrive anywhere when I’m supposed to. Even when I set little goals in my mind to arrive somewhere by a certain time – it blows out by hours, not minutes people. HOURS.
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I arrive at school assembly – late of course – and see those perfectly put together Mums in the first row cameras in hand, proudly sitting and smiling and I think to myself, how come they have it so together and I don’t.
Where were the instructions on how to be a Mum? Not how to parent, but how to be a Mum, when to do the washing, how to get somewhere on time, what days to shop, how to keep the house clean. Did I miss them? Were they in the “Bounty Bag” the hospital hands out and I missed them because I was too busy looking for a chocolate bar (tip: A Bounty Bag contains no Bounty’s)?
I don’t understand how everyone has it all so together except for me.
On one of my child-free weekends, I stopped to enjoy a coffee at the shops and just sat people watching. A Mum walked passed with a couple of young kids, one was having a tantrum, one was running off. She looked like she was about to lose it! She’d probably thought she’d quickly pop down to the shops, grab some milk, the kids will be fine and half behave for long enough. But they didn’t. She’s probably thinking “what am I doing wrong? Why can’t my kids sit still for 5 minutes?”
Hang on ….. she doesn’t have it all together, she’s just like me. And then I looked at other Mums – Mum’s with older kids, Mum’s with younger kids, none of them really have it all together. I spoke to one of the Mum’s after the assembly and asked her how she manages to be so together at 8.30am, she laughed – “I don’t have it all together, my kids are older than yours which gives me more time to get ready but I was just like you once”
I recently joined (and very quickly left) a group of local Single Mums hoping it would be nice to have support from people who understand. Aside from the constant men bashing which I don’t have time for (yes, some men are dicks – move forward, there’s not much we can do about it except weed them out to pick a good one) there was also very little support. It was a competition to see whose situation was worse, or who did the most work, or who was the most hurt. It was a typical “Mums group” which I’ve never had time for because they just make you feel shit about yourself.
Some Mum’s for some stupid reason like to give people the impression that they have it all together but I’m guessing they don’t. None of us does. We’re all winging it – life, motherhood, eyeliner – we’re winging it! We’re all learning as we go and each child is different.
I have 4 kids and I’m no expert in anything to do with children. Yes, I can change a nappy in 2 seconds flat with my eyes closed but each one of my 4 children has their own set of different challenges for me to learn and grow from.
Motherhood is not a competition to see who does the most. It is your journey through life with your children and when you can go through your journey with other mothers who feel the same and support you – what a beautiful journey it is.
Happy Mother’s Day x
Kirsty is the founder of That Noise Is Mine.
An established blogger, writer and business owner raising 4 children independently. Kirsty is determined to succeed in this new life forced upon her.