Today I cried because the steps I took yesterday to move one step away from you hurt me so much more than they hurt you.
Today I cried because there is no longer excitement and giddiness and I want that feeling back.
Today I cried as I read back over old messages and read the words “I barely saw the light of day when I wasn’t drunk. I barely saw anyone.” because I knew you had a problem and I tried so hard to help you but it wasn’t enough.
Today I cried because the pain of going for days not knowing if you were even alive and still having to function in my own life is still so fresh.
Today I cried because you were the only person I spoke to some days and it’s been over a week since we spoke and over 2 months since we’ve said any kind or nice words to each other and I just miss the way it used to be.
Today I cried because you pushed me away and shut me out, I know why you did this and I don’t know what to do.
Today I cried because I looked back at all the pictures we took together and I wish I had nicer ones.
Today I cried because I heard a song that reminded me of you.
Today I cried because one day you will move on and it won’t be with me and after being here in this place for over 2 years I don’t know where to go now.
Today I cried because I don’t understand.
Today I cried because you don’t understand.
Today I cried because the last time I saw you I didn’t say goodbye properly because I thought I would see you a million more times.
Today I cried because I’ve been trying to pick up and carry on like it meant nothing but today I cracked under pressure because it meant everything.
Today I cried because I promised myself I wouldn’t publish anything about you and instead I have published my most vulnerable and raw thoughts.
Today I cried because I miss you, your eyes, your smile, your touch, your smell. I miss everything about you.
Kirsty is a Mum, a student, a business owner, a blogger, a writer, a friend, a daughter, a sister and a strong woman determined to succeed in this new life forced upon her.
4 lively boys + 1 busy Mum = A crazy life.
Welcome to The Next Chapter!