TNIM Talks – Do soul mates exist?

Welcome to TNIM Talks.

I have gathered 3 of my favourite bloggers from different niches to give you their own unique opinions on topics ranging from love, to parenting, to life, to current affairs.

This month we are discussing:

Do Soul Mates exist?

Julie Doherty N.D

After giving this topic some great thought, I would have to say that personally I don’t think that it is so much as to whether soul mates exist or even that do each of us have a soul mate out there???

It is more to do with our soul, that inner core within each of us.

To build a relationship with someone else, it is important to have a firm understanding of yourself. Who you are, what you want, so as you can begin to build a passion and foundation for the life that you want.

Rather than a soul mate, I see it more as when you find the right person whom you want to be with, that there is a connection. Often this connection cannot be verbally explained, it is something that is felt. Not unlike a magnetic attraction, there is something about this person that makes you want to spend time with them. There is a sense of connection, stability, warmth and understanding. They care about you and you care about them. They see your strengths and your weaknesses, yet choose to focus on your strengths, having a feeling of respect and admiration for you, your dreams and your goals.

You share similar interests and foundations for life, but you also are quite different in what you have to share or bring into your life together. By this I mean you both have a different set of skills, gifts and talents that over time together will formulate and support not only your life individually but also as a couple, then also if you go on to have a family.

I met my husband, Peter when I was 17 ½ years of age, I was at a dance and with a girlfriend at the time. My girlfriend mentioned that he had funny hair, but I didn’t notice that and pointed out that he had a beautiful face. I lived with very controlling parents where I was only allowed to go out with whom they chose, when and where they chose. Peter was just about to turn 21 years of age when I met him and he wanted to take me to places of our choice, so he didn’t take kindly at all to my controlling parents.

I had to make a choice either stay living with my parents, never to really have a life or get to know this man, that I had formed a connection or as I mentioned a magnetic attraction. I wanted to have the opportunity to get to know him. Due to the situation with my parents I was forced into a position where I ran away with only the dress I was wearing. I went to a nearby shopping centre where I phoned Peter. This put him into a rather awkward position but he came and collected me. After discussing any options that we had, we made a decision to go to his parents’ house. They contacted a friend of theirs whom knew of a lady who took in borders. Fortunately the lady took me in. Peter and I spent the next two years getting to know one another and forming a great friendship that developed into a deep love.

He then proposed to me and we were married. That was 43 ½ years ago. So back to the original soul mate question, is he my soul mate? No I don’t think so, he is the man that I chose to spend my life with because I had a deep love for him, a deep respect for him, had our children with and care about him very much. He has been a steady rock and foundation as I have for him. Is there one secret that has held this love story together? I don’t think there is one secret but many. Never lose sight of why you love one another, it was always important to me that my husband would like me, not just love me. Talk about your problems and work at finding solutions. Even when many times a man doesn’t always want to talk about things. Keep these discussions short and to the point.

About Julie:

Born and Raised in Adelaide, South Australia with nothing more than a Belief in wanting to make a Difference in People’s Lives

Believing that Aging is a Privilege: Not something to be endured but Enjoyable, Fun and Enlightening

Teaching you the foundations of How to Master a Life of Optimal Health, Happiness & Vitality

Bringing Treatment Options, Lifestyle support and How to implement Changes – Helping you to Determine what is Best for YOU!

Bringing together Clarity with an understanding of the Unity and Connection of the Mind, Body and Emotions

The role and significance they play toward you “Building a Happy, Healthy and Balanced Life” & How to Cope

Now having  a career spanning over 27 years, Working with thousands of people  personally within my clinic and online subscribers.

I continue to bring clarity, understanding and support to help you obtain and manage a Healthy, Happy Life.

Visit Julie’s website

Michelle from Mum from the Heart

Cinderella and Prince Charming, Snow White and the Handsome Prince, Belle and the Beast, from a young age we are shown an ideal of “true love”, soul mates brought together by fate (and a little magic) who made each other complete. Does this set up an unrealistic expectation for adult relationships? For me absolutely! But it took me a long time to learn that life is not a Disney movie!

I was what some would call a naive teenage, dreaming of one day finding my soul mate, starting a family and living happily ever after. I believed that we all had one soul mate, one person who would be my other half, who would be my perfect match in every way and we would be brought together by fate. I was engaged at 20, married at 22 and a Mum at 27 and a SAHM of 3 kids by 30 and a single Mum by 34. This was not the picture I had envisaged and not the way the fairy tale was supposed to go. I am no longer the same naïve teen I once was.

My view on soul mates has evolved over time. In the last 15 years I have grown so much, I have made new friends, lost touch with old friends and gained some of the strongest connections with people along the way. What I once believed was a single soul connection with one person to whom you commit to your whole life I now see as a deep connection to another soul. It is not about commitment, it is not about compromise, it is not about trying, it is about knowing and loving unconditionally and forgiving easily and trusting entirely. Can this have to exist with one single person? Does it have to be a romantic relationship? Wouldn’t the world be a more beautiful place if we connected on a soul level with more people? I have friends who I believe will be in my life forever, whom I trust and love with my entire being. I have kids who I believe my soul would find in every lifetime or in the eternity after this one, I have a Mum who I have no doubt is a soul connection for eternity. I know these are the connections that matter, these are the connections that make my soul sing and who’s comfort I seek in times of hardship and challenge. These are the souls I would give my life for and have no doubt that the world would be a little dimmer had we not found each other.

So if you ask me today do I believe Soul Mates exist, I have to say yes I do, and I have many xxx

About Michelle:

As Mums we need to truly be able to love ourselves, find the fun in the chaos and have a giggle along the way. When we do this we can parent from love not fear and that’s my goal. I have struggled along the way with PND, 3 kids under 3 and my own fear of messing this all up but I have come through all that with so many new skills, with new knowledge and a level of self-compassion that I strive to teach to other Mums.

Today I work as a counsellor and parental coach for other parents who are struggling. I help parents adapt to the stressors that come with parenting and find their own sense of wellbeing so they too can parent from the heart.

My blog is my journey of letting go of the fear of not being a perfect mum, embracing the energy and enthusiasm of 3 young kids finding the fun in each day.

Visit Michelle’s blog.

Miriam from But, Still breathing

Can “Soul mates” really exist? For me, this is a loaded question.  Why? Because the definition of this term means different things to different people.  For me, “soul mate” is a romantic notion produced by stories in books and movies.  It gives the impression that you will meet The One – a fanciful person that will be perfect for you; your eyes will lock across the room at some profound moment in life, and from that moment on you will have your happily ever after, living in perfect unison and joy for life. But that is exactly what it is – a story. A fairy tale.

Unfortunately, it gives all of us a false sense of what relationships are in real life.  Then, when we finally get intoa commitment, and it doesn’t reach up to that “Once-in-a-Lifetime-Hugh Grant and Julia Roberts in Notting-Hill” sorta moment… it’s massively disappointing.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m far from being a cynic. I strongly believe in the possibility of beautiful, loving, long term relationships. My parents, for example, have been married for almost 35 years. My in-laws will be celebrating their 60th anniversary in February! They have all provided a shining example of what true love really means.
Someone once said – “Fight for your fairy tale, it does exist.”

Work. Hard work.
Constant, unfailingly communication.
Unconditional love.

My husband, Leland and I, have known each other since we were fifteen. We never dated when we were teens, we were just very good friends.  Life took us separate ways, to different cities,different people, and other lives.  Eventually, we found each other again.  At the time. Neither of us thought we were in a place to be in relationship, both raw from being hurt by others. I had just been recently informed about my serious health situation and told that I would need to have a double lung transplant one day.  Our friends and family though saw something in us that we didn’t yet fully see – love.  There weren’t any eyes locking across a dark room.  No love at first sight.  Sadly, neither of us have gorgeous English accents either.  (Although, we do watch a lot of British TV, but that’s another story entirely).  Our longstanding friendship grew into a deep, incredible love story.  We’ve been through some of the worst, unimaginable things any couple should go through (including my transplant, and many, many close calls!) and we’re still here, married, happy, best friends, in love every day. Soon, we’ll celebrate our nine year anniversary.

Soul mates?  I think we’re far better than that.

About Miriam

On March 6, 2015, my life began again. I had waited over six months on the transplant list, which for someone like me felt perceptively forever, and I came precariously close to the unimaginable. But, on that remarkable day, because of an anonymous organ donor, I received my new, sparkly, fantastic lungs! My life hasn’t been the same since.

So, what’s this blog about? All the adventures that go along with being a transplant recipient and a sufferer of chronic illness  – the good, the bad, and the unapologetic. Since that extraordinary day, my whole perception has changed – how I feel about life, the meaning of true friendship, who I consider to be family, even things as seemingly simple as how I view food (I eat a lot more of candy now!). Join me on my journey. Perhaps we’ll learn something new about life together.

Visit Miriam’s blog

Kirsty from That Noise Is Mine

Here’s my view and I have to say I agree more with Michelle.

I am a huge romantic so of course I believed that soul mates exist.  That’s what life is all about, finding that one person, getting married, starting a life and family together.  And then I did just that and realised that there was more than just one person you have a connection with.

I believe there are special people that come into your life and they are there for a reason, this can be as friend or lover or both.  You learn from this person, some of the lessons can be positive and some are negatives.  These people touch your soul.  They challenge you, they change you.  They define your future moves in life. These people are your soul mates.

Yes, you might marry one of these people.  You might spend forever with them and because of the special bond you have you may have a relationship like no other with this person or you might not marry one of these people but still have a very loving relationship like no other.  The bottom line is, the right relationship still requires work regardless of if you are with your “soul mate” or not.

Do I believe soul mates exist? Yes, but it’s not like the movies say, a soul mate is not one person to spend the rest of your life with.  It’s a group of people who teach you about yourself, life and love.

PS:  If you would like to know more about me, scroll down to view my bio.

So, what do you think?  Leave a comment below to let us know if you believe Soul Mates exist.

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