Time

Is everyone obsessed with time?  Or is it just me?

Lately I feel like my whole life is revolving around time.  Even as I write this at 10.30pm I’m wondering if I have enough time to finish it before the baby wakes.

I constantly go about my day thinking “what’s the time?” “what time should I do this or that” “the gardener isn’t here on time”.  Aaargh – I wish I could stop it!!!

Actually, truth be told, I wish I could stop time.  It goes by so fast at times.

I guess that’s one of the things you quickly realise as you get older, especially after you become a parent.

Some days feel like they go on forever, but the years just fly by.

The other day I took the kids to one of those trampoline play centres.  Most countries have them these days.  There were stairs to get up to the cafe area.  B3 navigated those stairs with ease.  It didn’t even occur to me that he was able to walk up and down them by himself until I saw a younger child attempting to climb the stairs with the help of his Mum and I thought – wow it was only yesterday that I used to have to help B3 on stairs and now he navigates stairs on his own and I didn’t even realise. Where has the time gone!

B1 gets around the house in basketball shorts and most of the time no top.  Much like a teenager.  I laughed to myself thinking he’s in such a hurry to grow up and then it occurred to me that he’s 11 in a couple of months time so he’s really not that far off being a teenager.  Then I looked at him from behind, like really took time to look at him and his whole body shape is changing.  He’s fairly muscular anyway because he plays a lot of sports but his shoulders are much broader than I remember.  For some reason I still see him as a boy, like the others, but he’s changing. I thought I savoured every moment with him but somehow time slipped through my fingers.

Then there’s the time you spend with other people.  Time spent with the right person just disappears. You feel like you’ve been with them for 10 minutes but it’s been 4 hours.  The right person can make you forget about time.

Time spent with a bunch of sick people in a Dr’s waiting room – well that goes on forever.

Time spent in my old office job was funny.  There were days when things were shit at home where I wished the day would slow down so I could relax for just a little bit longer in the office amongst my friends. But then there were the days when things were good and I couldn’t wait to get home – those days dragged on.

People always say to me “your time will come”, especially when I have a whinge to them about how I feel like I’ve given up any kind of life to focus on my boys.  Your time will come ….. but what if it doesn’t.  What if while I’m devoting all of my time to my boys, the world moves on without me.  What if that perfect guy, Mr Right, is here right now but I don’t have the time for him and in a few years time when I do, he no longer has time for me.  What if that happens!!!

What if, by the time I have time for my friends, they’ve also moved on.

What if I end up alone.

Oh god – don’t open that can of worms Kirst!!!

I think I’ve spent enough time on this silly little rambling.  I think it’s time I had some sleep before the baby wakes and I spend another sleepless night working out that if I go to sleep now I can have x amount of hours sleep.

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