This is Me…Or Who I Want To Be

There is a beautiful country song by Jessica Andrews called “Who I Am”. It speaks of knowing who she is, where she comes from and where she wants to go.

I am a mother to a beautiful soul. He makes me smile, laugh and of course, scream. You see, he is special needs. In caring for him, working, and saving for our first home, I forgot to care for me.

The past two months have been ones of introspection. I am blessed with a husband that knows me inside and out. When I struggle to find “me” in things, he is right there to remind me, “Rosanna, what about you?”

What about me? What is my chosen path? When do I see the end?

I went to school and studied Forensic Anthropology. Now I am a customer service manager at Walmart. In my mind, I feel as though I failed in the career aspect of life. However, working at Walmart, I am the happiest I have ever been.

After giving birth to my son, even looking at drool makes me sick. With this consideration, the world of forensics had to be paid a final goodbye. The love for this path will always be there. I read reports and articles still. Also one of the guys I LARP (live action role play) with is an archaeologist and so we have grand conversations.

Still, the question remains, just who am I?

Let’s do an activity that I loved doing in grade school.

Reluctant- When it comes to new things, I need to research, pray and use my husband as a sound board.

Observant-I use my observation skills to be helpful to my fellows. I was actually told I am too observant  sometimes. Not sure what that means, but it is one more thing to learn about myself.

Spiritual- I am a Latter Day Saint. It is my beliefs that shape me and make me…me. It also helps me for what I see and deal with as a volunteer firefighter.

Appreciative- Growing up, we didn’t have much. What we did have, we loved and were thankful for.

Nurturing- I tend to mother people. Even if I don’t know you, prepare to be looked after. ¬†Also, hugs are my thing.

Nerdy- Our wedding march was “Darth Vader’s theme” and I LARP. Enough said.

Abnormal- Mom used to always tell me “Rosanna, stop saying you are weird, you are unique”. In my head, that’s the same thing.

That was fun. I challenge you to do this and to periodically write down your blessings or what you are grateful for.

In conclusion, who am I? I am:

I am Rosanna Hay,31 from Canada. I am a mother, step-mother and wife. I am a sister, aunt and friend. When you need a hand, I will be there for you. If I can’t do it myself, I will find someone that will. I may not have a 9-5 career, but I am happy. I can provide for my family and save for a house. ( three more months and we can go for a mortgage)

That paragraph may not seem like much. In seven sentences, I summed up who I think I am. I still get down sometimes (I suffer from Social Anxiety Disorder and Depression), but who doesn’t. I am starting to love me again. That in itself is a great accomplishment. (typing this while listening to the Moana soundtrack is very powerful)

Who am I?

I am beautiful, strong, valiant……

ME!

 

 

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9 Comments

  • What a great, thought-provoking post. For one, it made me feel I’ve made a new friend. Your vulnerability is inspiring. Secondly, it prompts me to be a bit more introspective myself. I’m so glad things are coming into focus. You seem like a person easy to love and I’m glad your feeling like yourself again. BlessingsM

  • Who we are in college getting that degree that we think is what we want isn’t always who we are later in life. Nice you have made a good life for yourself and your family and are looking to make it better by owning your own home.

  • I love that you turned something that could have been viewed as a negative into a positive. You were able to see what an amazing human being you are even though life took a different route for you. You are amazing!

  • Loved this. As a stay at home Mom and military wife I often wonder what happened to my goals that I set when I was younger but am reminded daily that I’m living the life I want.

  • Most importantly: you are a daughter of the one true King. You are His prized possession. His gift to the world. You are loved. You are the only you there will ever be, and God has extraordinary plans for you in your ordinary life. Keep doing you, and watch what God does through you <3

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