Mummy is tired. I know you it’s hard for you to understand because when you are tired Mummy gets you a warm drink of milk in your favourite cup and puts you to bed for a nap but Mummy is so very tired. Sometimes she’s in physical pain, sometimes she gets dizzy and these are the little warning signs Mummy’s body is giving her to slow down, she doesn’t though because Mummy always takes on too much and just wants to prove that she can do it all.
Sometimes Mummy gets cross. She knows she shouldn’t and sometimes Mummy disappears to her bedroom to cry because she feels so bad because she was cross with you. When you picked the baby up by his head, Mummy yelled. It was because she is tired, she knows she should have handled this better and she feels sick at the thought of your little face and your sad little voice saying “Mummy you scared me”. Mummy’s sorry she scared you but we just don’t pick the baby up by his head. We also don’t hit the baby over the head with his toys. I know that sometimes Mummy lets you get away with these things and other times she tells you off, Mummy’s just so tired.
17 September 2016 – that was the last time Mummy had more than 2 hours sleep. Mummy remembers it because you and your brothers were with your Dad for the weekend and after he picked you up at 8am Mummy went back to bed and slept until lunch time. Now Mummy’s sleep is anywhere from 2 hours to 20 minutes. Yep, 20 minutes. Your older brothers sleep well but you and your baby brother seem to tag team throughout the night meaning from midnight to 5 or 6 am when Mummy finally gives up on sleep, she dozes, at best, waiting for the next time she is needed.
You and your brothers all sleep well from 8pm til midnight. Sometimes Mummy also sleeps during this time but this is the only time Mummy has to do things – and by things I mean dishes, cleaning and folding washing.
Most of the time Mummy doesn’t know what she survives on. Coffee and hugs and kisses seem to do the trick. Mummy just hopes her body can hold out for one more day.
When you go to your Dad’s house and you come home and ask if I missed you, Mummy always says yes but sometimes Mummy doesn’t miss you. Mummy sometimes relishes the 31 hours a fortnight she has with just one child to care for. Mummy sometimes uses this time to just sit down and breathe because in the blink of an eye, you and your brothers have returned home for the whirlwind fortnight to start all over again.
Everything Mummy does is for you. Even the little business Mummy is trying to grow is for you. To show you and your brothers that in the face of adversity Mummy beat the odds and was a success. I want you to be as proud of me as I am of you.
Mummy knows that life isn’t always going to be like this, that soon you and your brothers won’t need her as much anymore. Right now, this feels like a lifetime away but Mummy is seeing it with some of her friends and it scares her just how quickly it went for them. This makes her just want to stop time for a little while. This is why Mummy takes 4 million photos of you every day. Mummy doesn’t want to forget.
Mummy loves you more than life itself, she tells you and your brothers this every single day. If anything ever happened to her or you she never wants to regret not telling you she loves you, she never wants you to be left wondering.
Mummy is tired and needs someone to get her a warm drink of milk and put her to bed for a nap.
Kirsty is the founder of That Noise Is Mine.
An established blogger, writer and business owner raising 4 children independently. Kirsty is determined to succeed in this new life forced upon her.