To the little girl in the photo

Gosh, you are so innocent and happy.  It would be nice to stay like that forever.  I look at my children now.  They’re all at different stages in life ranging from completely innocent to an 11 year old learning about the world and wanting to grow up way too quickly. Wouldn’t it be great if you were wise enough to cherish this happiness at 6 years old. Life is going to throw you so many curveballs little girl and sometimes it’s hard to find the happiness you had as a 6 year old.

You’ll struggle to fit in during your tweens and teens.  Not so much fit in with friendship groups because you have friends.  But you never feel like you fit or belong anywhere, as a teenager you never have those deep connections that you feel you need.  You’re like a floater, floating between different friendship groups and relationships but never really having a connection.

Your teenage years and early 20’s are hard.  You struggle with body issues. I remember the day it started and I remember how it started.  One day that is a story that might be told but like the divorce that is not what you want to be known for.  You are not the girl who once weighed only 40kgs (88pounds) at the age of 17 and still thought you were fat – it was something that happened to you and something that shaped your future but it is not your whole story.  There are very low points, some that I’m not sure can be shared but like everything else in your life, you deal with it, dust yourself off and recover. Then you come back a little stronger than before.

Your career is really the only easy part for you.  Everything you do or touch seems to just work out.  You are much more intelligent than you make out. You discover early in life that smart girls don’t fit in, so you never really show your true intelligence to everyone but the people who need to notice, notice and this mean you are presented with a lot of opportunities.  Most of them you take because you also thrive on success, particularly when you work hard for it yourself. You tell everyone you fluke it but there’s an essence of intelligence and a lot of drive and determination behind it. We’ll keep that as our little secret!

So now here you are mid life and starting again.  This time you are not going to settle though.  You are setting up a life on your own and even though you are excited about finding love again you know you’re not going to rush into anything, this life on your own needs to flourish – you need this time.

You have your 4 beautiful boys and blossoming new career.  Things are good.  You have the most amazing friends.  Still a bit of a floater at times, with many different friendship circles but you have those close friends and deep connections you couldn’t quiet make as a teenager.

You’re closest to 3 women who have all been through so much. You’ve been through it all together. You are all strong independent women and while it’s taken some of you longer than others to get to that point I think you’re all there now.  You’re all at the point of “this is what I want to do and I’m doing it!”

Then there’s one guy who drives you insane sometimes. I saw a meme/quote thing on Facebook the other day that perfectly describes this friendship. “Talk like best friends, play like children, argue like husband and wife, protect each other like brother and sister” and my god, will you argue! There will be so many eye rolls, “whatever’s” and even a few “FU’s”. But there’s something about this friendship, something different. Maybe there’s possibility or hope of something else but whatever the case cherish this friendship because it’s special.

When you’re in your mid 20s someone will say to you “You’ve had life so good, you need some bad things to happen to you just to appreciate how good you’ve had it”. This will stick with you for life.

Until you start your blog no one really knew the struggles you were dealing with, you just kept it to yourself and carried on.  There was an essence of embarrassment to it but once you got parts of your story out and you see how great it feels when someone else says “hey, me too”.  You then realise you could help others to not feel so alone and this gives you the motivation to keep writing.  If you can help only one person, if you can inspire only one person to say “hey, she’s doing it and I can too” then you will have achieved everything you want to with your blog.  There are still parts of you that are completely closed and parts that only your closest friends see. We’re working on that and eventually your whole story will be told.

It’d be nice to carry the innocence and happiness of a 6 year old girl forever. Our struggles teach us so much and make us who we are today.  Always remember that.  When you are going through hard times, remember that it’s shaping you into a strong, independent woman.

Dream big little girl.  Life is a journey.  Enjoy it, embrace it, live it.

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