Letter to my 1st born son on his 10th birthday

Tomorrow we will celebrate the milestone of double digits but at that moment I apologise if I seem a bit quiet if I withdraw.  I am just trying to hold onto this moment, to completely savour it, as I did when  I held you for the first time a full decade ago.

Dear B1

Tomorrow you are turning 10.

I have never been particularly bothered by age, I’ve always been of the view that age is just a number, but there’s something about you turning ten that I’m struggling with.

It really does feel like yesterday I was laying in a hospital room, waiting to be induced, wondering what tomorrow would bring.

Tomorrow brought me the most precious little boy who would turn my world upside down. I would experience the unconditional love, the unbreakable bond between a mother and her firstborn son. Nothing can prepare you for that.


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There have been ten years of firsts with you, first words, first steps, the first day of school, first time playing a competitive sport, first sleepover and last night, your first big kid birthday party.  I am both excited and overwhelmed about the next lot of firsts you will experience. I am saddened that the next time we celebrate another decade, you will be 20 and my job of raising you will have finished two years earlier.  I can’t believe how quickly this has gone and is going.

Now B1, I have some motherly advice to carry with you over the next ten years:

Always look after your brothers, one day your father and I will not be here, and those three boys will look to you as the “leader”.  I know you are strong and wise enough for this role as I have seen you step up as the big brother in the past few months. Now is the time to nurture your bond with those three boys who look up to you and want to be just like you.

Seeing you amongst your friends last night I see that you are the “popular kid”.  Please, please, please don’t let this affect your studies.  Use this as a chance to show others that just because you’re one of the cool kids doesn’t mean you can’t also study hard and excel at something other than football and being sociable.

Always know that I will be here for you, no matter what.  No matter what it is you have done, good or bad, I hope we always have the open communication we have now.

I know that the past year has been tough on you.  I’m sorry that you think I have torn our family apart and I’m even more sorry that one day you will learn the truth and know that this will change your opinion and view of your father who you idolise so much.  Just know that I will be here for you, you won’t need to apologise or even mention anything you’ve said to me over the past 12 months and in the future for I know those things have been said because you don’t understand the situation.

Tomorrow we will celebrate the milestone of double digits; I know you are excited about having both your father and me in the same room, more than the actual milestone.  I promise that any issues we have with each other will be put aside so you can have your special moment.  But at that moment I apologise if I seem a bit quiet if I withdraw.  I am just trying to hold onto this moment, to completely savour it, as I did when  I held you for the first time a full decade ago, because I am now 10 years older and wiser and well aware that it really is true – time really does race by and that, before I know it, you will be standing before me  as a man.

I am so proud of you B1, continue to be the completely brilliant and hilarious soul that you are.

I love you, little man!

Love Mumma xx

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