As you go through life you end up collecting “things”. Some of those “things” you cherish because of the memories attached, some are “things” you hold onto because you might need it one day and then there are the “things” that you collect during a failed relationship and hold onto because you feel like you have to, a day might come where you want to take a walk down memory lane and you need those “things” to do it.
Moving out of the marital home and into my own place was a highly emotional time. I remember unpacking boxes wanting to hold onto everything because it all had a memory attached. There was a box of cards and “things” from dates and important occasions, I distinctly remember a card from a Wedding Anniversary where he’d written something nice, I took a photo of it and sent it to him with a message saying can’t we get back to this. He never replied. Originally the box sat in my bedroom but as time went by it got moved to the garage along with many other things from the marital home and that’s where it all sat for nearly 2 years. Untouched.
Slowly I have replaced the majority of the furniture so now my home is filled with my own furniture. When I moved I thought I wanted the furniture from the marital home and fought tooth and nail to get it. But once the dust settled, doors closed and it came time to move on I found that the furniture no longer suited. It didn’t suit my life anymore, yes, there were some memories attached to the furniture but in general it looked different and was no longer my style.
So here I was, down to just the boxes in the garage. I’d put it off for a long time and finally found the motivation to tackle it.
I came across the box. For a few days I let it sit there and didn’t open it. I wasn’t sure how I was going to feel seeing those cards and things again.
Finally I opened it. I read the cards and there was nothing, no sadness, no happiness, no special memories, there wasn’t even a numbness, I looked at the “things” gathering dust that really had no meaning anymore – it’s not like it was junk, it’s just ……. “things” with no emotional attachment anymore. There was just a sense of “why am I holding onto this?” There were so many things that I’d been holding onto because I thought one day I would regret throwing them away but one day has come and I couldn’t see why I was holding onto it.
Why hold onto these “things”? Why was I holding onto it like it somehow meant something. Yes, some of the words on them were nice but they weren’t even a reflection of our relationship. He used to hate buying cards and only bought them because I made him.
I sat on it for a few more days then finally decided. It’s time for them to go. The box went to into the bin Thursday night and was picked up by rubbish collection on Friday morning.
The cards, things from dates, it’s all gone.
The sense of relief that I am no longer carrying this baggage is amazing. I feel fresh. I’m looking at my home with fresh eyes. There is now nothing in this home that we had as a married couple. It’s now all of my own “things” and the feeling is amazing.
If you are holding onto “things” – why?
If you really want to remember something or someone the best place to do that is in your heart. Do you really need the visual reminder? Surely once the relationship is over – what do the dried petals from the first bunch of roses he gave you really mean????
Maybe one day I’ll regret it, maybe not. All I know is that at this moment I have never felt more relived and free that I am no longer carrying that box around that I thought I had to – just in case.
Kirsty is the founder of That Noise Is Mine.
An established blogger, writer and business owner raising 4 children independently. Kirsty is determined to succeed in this new life forced upon her.