A few weeks ago I wrote a post on how and why to forgive someone after they have hurt you. Today I’m going to take a step backwards and talk about a hurt most of us has experienced – REJECTION.
It’s such a shitty word, isn’t it. Rejection – reject – loser! And being rejected can make you feel terrible.
There are a lot of sayings along the lines of rejection being a positive because it’s directing you to greater things, however, after you have been rejected it can take a while to see this.
But let’s think about it.
Why would YOU want to be in a job, relationship, friendship or situation where the other person is not 100% happy? Would you want someone to hide their true feelings for fear of hurting you? Do you think this will lead to ultimate happiness for you?
Flip the situation – say you are in a relationship with someone and you are not happy – do you say nothing?
When you are rejected from someone or something there is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with them either. You’re just not suited to be together and that moment in time.
When it comes to love this can be difficult to process so let’s look at it from another scenario.
Say, you’ve found the perfect job, it’s everything you’ve always wanted, you know you’ll be perfect for this job. Sure, there’s still a few minor skills you need to pick up but once you’ve done that you’ll be the perfect employee. To the employer, however, those skills are essential, without them you will be a danger to their workplace and without those skills you could physically hurt someone or yourself. So they reject you.
You feel like you were not good enough.
Sure with a scenario such as this, you can then go on to build those skills to be the perfect fit for that job – but in a relationship do you really want to change yourself to suit someone else?????
Growing as an individual or even building new skills for the workplace should be something that you do for yourself, to make yourself better for you, not for anyone else.
You are a good person and if someone else can’t see that – walk away with your head held high.
How do you soothe your soul, ego and rebuild?
The first thing to do is to remember that YOU control how you react to situations. You can’t stop someone from rejecting you but you can control the emotions and your actions associated with the rejection.
It can take some time – believe me. I have been (and still am) guilty of texting someone trying to get them to see my worth. But do you know how that makes me feel long term??? Worthless!
To deal with the emotions associated with rejection you need to focus on you and not the situation.
Acknowledge your emotions.
As with any emotional state take time to care for you, keep reminding yourself that this will pass and be kind to yourself while you wait for it to pass. Practice some self-care, think kind thoughts and take all the time you need.
Avoid rushing into anything new, especially a new relationship. Carrying emotional baggage from a previous relationship is unhealthy for both yourself and your new partner and you run the risk of hurting both of you even further.
When you are ready, analyse the rejection and ask yourself “what did I learn from this?”. If you catch yourself trying to over analyse the situation that lead to the rejection focus on something else outside of the situation. Do something that requires your thoughts to be with what you are doing rather than with the past or with the situation and then come back to it later.
Don’t be hard on yourself, know that everyone gets rejected and it is completely normal to be feeling how you feel.
And remember this:
Every time you think you are being rejected from something good, you are actually being redirected to something better.
Kirsty is the founder of That Noise Is Mine.
An established blogger, writer and business owner raising 4 children independently. Kirsty is determined to succeed in this new life forced upon her.