Heartbreak is consuming. It’s emotional and physical pain.
Heartbreak is a grieving process, and everyone handles it differently. That’s one thing you must remember, there is no right or wrong way to grieve the end of a relationship. You must face it and go through it; otherwise, your heart won’t heal.
Dealing with heartbreak is one step at a time, it’s crying, it’s getting angry, it’s staying in bed all day, it’s drinking too much, it’s random phone calls and text messages to friends, it’s painful, it’s feeling like you’re drowning, it’s losing everything.
Going through heartbreak is also a time to focus on you, it’s a time to look at your life and decide what you want.
Heartbreak in your 30’s, 40’s or beyond can be harder to deal with. There might be children or property involved, so as well as dealing with the emotional and physical pain, there is also the “admin” side of heartbreak.
When someone close to you is going through heartbreak, your own heart breaks as well. To hear your friend excitedly talk about finding someone and then to see it all crashing down around them, you feel their sadness. You so desperately want to give them the space they need to navigate the path themselves, knowing that they will come to you when they are ready, but you also want to hold their hand while they navigate the way to make sure they are ok. To make sure they are not alone.
So, how can you help someone you love deal with heartbreak or how can you deal with the early days of your own heartbreak?
I’ve put together a few real-life tips that don’t involve big nights out, alcohol or quick hookups. These tips you won’t find anywhere else and have helped me over the years.
Writing will help you get everything out of your head. Get yourself a lovely notebook and beautiful pen and start writing your thoughts. It doesn’t have to be pretty, just get everything out.
Go on a road trip
Drive somewhere you’ve never been before, even if it’s only for a day. Crank the music up loud, sing, cry and laugh.
Listen to my very own Heartbroken to Heartbreaker playlist full of music guaranteed to make you ugly cry and then lift you up to realise your worth. And, hey, there have been many times I’ve listened to these songs and have to pull over and have a little (ok, make that BIG) cry!
Take time for yourself
This is not just a tip but essential. Especially if you lost yourself in the relationship.
Take some time for you and find out who you are now that you are no longer with your partner.
Deal with the emotions you’re feeling, don’t lock them away or drown them in alcohol.
Learning how to deal with, handle and process these emotions will help you in the future. It will make you a much stronger individual.
Don’t rush to find the next love
Learn that you are enough, and you don’t need anyone to complete you.
Date yourself and fall back in love with yourself before thinking about falling in love with anyone else.
For some people, they have processed and dealt with the end of the relationship while it was ending, so are quick to find love again. And if you have really dealt with all the emotions of the past and that works for you, I wish you well.
However, many people are quick to jump into a new relationship out of loneliness, to fill the void of the person they are no longer with or simply because they don’t know how to be alone. This is not healthy and will not only lead to heartbreak for you but can also be very damaging for the new partner.
Dealing with the emotions of the past will help you move into a new relationship without emotional baggage. You will be a stronger person, you will know your worth, and you won’t put up with anything less than you deserve.
Put a time frame on being alone and be strong enough to stick to it.
Seek professional help for your heartbreak
Don’t be afraid to seek professional advice. Many people feel foolish seeking help for heartbreak and therefore never fully recover.
Seeking help and talking to a professional gives you a chance to unload everything and to work through why things didn’t go as expected. You will learn a lot about yourself, and you will grow.
Deal with the heartbreak admin with a clear mind
This is a tough one. You want things sorted asap to be able to move on, but you’re in an emotional and vulnerable state and really shouldn’t be making big life decisions.
If you can, give yourself and your ex a few weeks to let emotions settle. Obviously, if children are involved, you won’t be able to have a few weeks but always keep your own feelings and heartbreak out of their relationship with the other parent.
During those weeks, allow yourself time to grieve and think about the big life decisions. If there is a property involved – do you want the property? Your immediate answer might be yes because of the sentimental value but really give it some serious thought.
What does the property mean to you without your partner there? How will you feel sleeping in your old bedroom, cooking in a kitchen that had so much life, watching tv in the home without your partner?
Will you be able to move forward in the same home?
Sometimes, for your own mental health, it is better to cut your losses and sell the property. You can still hold onto the memories without committing yourself to a massive debt you might regret later.
And if your friend is going through heartbreak.
Be there and listen
Listen to your friend. Don’t dismiss their feelings.
Never talk badly about their ex regardless of what your feelings might be. You are there to help your friend deal with the emotions, not add to their negative thoughts by bagging their ex. Agree with what they say but never raise anything new. Stay focused on your friend rather than the ex.
Help with the admin
If your friend is divorcing or has been in a de facto relationship, there are mountains of paperwork that need to be filled in. Help research what needs to be done and give your friend a list of things they need to think about or action.
Go on a road trip
One weekend, grab a bunch of girls and go on a road trip. Go somewhere you’ve never been. Don’t make it a trip of hooking up with men. Stay focused on the girls, go wine tasting, get massages, whatever.
Make a deal beforehand that no men will be involved.
And be sure to listen to my very own Heartbroken to Heartbreaker playlist! I’m always adding new music to this one so follow it on Spotify for updates.
Keep them on track and show them how to love themselves again
Keep reminding your friend of her worth, during the process of healing, she will forget it. Your job is to keep her on track. Offer advice and suggestions. Don’t be afraid to tell her if you think she’s off track. Sometimes you might need to be the voice of reason.
So, there you have it. A few simple tips to get you through the next few months of life. Heartbreak is no comfortable journey to navigate, and everyone handles it differently. Keep in mind that you are a worthy, beautiful soul who does not need a man to complete you. Know your worth and don’t be worried about seeking help if you are struggling to move past the heartbreak.
Kirsty is the founder of That Noise Is Mine.
An established blogger, writer and business owner raising 4 children independently. Kirsty is determined to succeed in this new life forced upon her.