Clarity

There comes a point in life where everything seems so much clearer.....

If you follow me on Instagram you’ll know I love quotes and memes. Some show my twisted and dry sense of humour, some reflect the hard times I’ve been through, some are inspirational.

When you’re going through hard times though, quotes and memes are nice to read but not overly helpful, at least that’s what I found.

12 months ago I was living a nightmare, I would share quotes and memes on the positives of life while laying on the floor crying my eyes out, unable to move and barely functional.  I’d shut most people out emotionally but there were a couple of people close to me at the time who knew the real troubles I faced each day.

I was in a haze, going through the motions and I could see no way out.

One thing people kept telling me was that happiness comes from within. I never believed this to be true, I believed that I needed all of these ‘things’ to be happy, that I needed to be the perfect wife, perfect mother, perfect friend to be happy.  I thought that what I wanted didn’t matter as long as those around me were happy and that’s where my happiness came from.  And for a long time I believed I was happy living like that.

Looking back now, I wasn’t happy.  I wasn’t happy for many, many years.  I was in a marriage out of convenience rather than love, I didn’t know what love was, I still don’t but I’m learning and I know that it is so much more than getting married because it was the next step and everyone else was doing it.  That only led to 2 desperately unhappy people trying to live life.

I believed I was destined to meet my former husband, destined to have these 4 beautiful children but we were destined to go our separate ways. Our marriage never felt permanent, it always felt temporary. It was two people making children but living 2 very separate and different lives.  I tried to paint this picture of a perfect life and family but it was all rubbish. Sometimes I even believed it myself, I believed we were living the dream but we weren’t.

In the past 6 months I have realised that happiness really does come from within.  I have some wonderful people in my life, my 4 boys who I love more than life itself, my old friends who provide me with so much comfort and laughter and new friends who are showing me there is so much more to life and love.  They all fill me with joy but the happiness I feel now, the complete freedom and true happiness is coming from me.

There are still days where I force myself to get up and get moving, but they are few and far between.  I now get out of bed with an excitement to each day, an excitement that I create myself.  I see the world differently.

I love life, everything is an adventure.

I laugh and smile and feel it.

I really feel like my life is just beginning, I don’t regret spending 12 years with the wrong person as this taught me so many things and gave me 4 beautiful children but sometimes I wish I could get some of that time back.  The most important thing I learned was never settle, never ever settle.  Go out, live life, laugh. Love.  Never stop learning, never stop growing.  Don’t assume for a second that things will always stay the same, sometimes they’ll change and you have no control over it but other times you take life in your hands and change it yourself.

Never give up!  Ever!

I don’t really know if I’m going somewhere with this or if it’s just another little rambling.  I know how hard it is to get through to someone who is going through a hard time, I know how many times I smiled and nodded along to well meaning advice on how to move forward and didn’t follow it but if I can give one piece of advice to you, if you are going through a bad time ……

Keep pushing forward, go through the motions of life, seek help, talk to people and you will get through it!

Create your own happiness, only you will know how and when to do this but when you do – you’ll know exactly what this post is all about.

Clarity.

x

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3 Comments

  • I feel like you wrote about me. I was married previously for 21 years, together for 27. We grew apart and I felt like we were coexisting as room mates for so long. I felt this was what marriage was like. The love was gone, there was no romance, it was just living in the same home. I figured I could stick it out until my girls grew up and left home and they I would decide what to do, but honestly I probably would have stayed. One day he made a decision that affected our marriage in a way I couldn’t get past. I stayed with him for another 14 months, concerned for his situation and our children, but I finally decided I just couldn’t live this way anymore. I moved on In life and fell in love with one of my friends and now I see exactly what I was missing and how wonderful true love can be. Its hard to get divorced but in the end it was the best decision I ever made – Stephenie – Blended Life Happy Wife

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