Can’t you seek help……..

In the years since I wrote this post I have learned 2 very important things. The first is, unless someone is ready to help themselves, nothing you say is going to make a difference AND never ever lose yourself trying to save someone else.

You call me a “fixerer”. I don’t believe that anything is forever broken. Everything is fixable. The kids toys break – that’s OK, I can fix it. What other people see as an old piece of junk, I see as something that can be worked with and fixed.

I am drawn to broken people. They are drawn to me. As with everything else, I want to fix them.

You knew this, you said it is why you were drawn to me.  You were broken and I felt like the safe place you could come to, to rebuild your life.

I liked this. Being broken myself I know what it feels like to be desperately searching for that safe place. Despite everything that has happened, you felt like that safe place to me.  I was drawn to you too.  Which is why I could never completely cut you out of my life, even though I knew I should.

This week has been tough.  I have watched you on this downward spiral, completely out of control. You are broken again.

My first instinct is to help you but this is bigger than anything I have ever dealt with before.  I don’t even know where to start.

You are a brilliant person, you are misunderstood.  People see a side of you and instantly label you but I have seen so much more.  You are gifted at your work.  Your attitude could use some work but when you do work for yourself you are brilliant and I see the excitement on your face and this makes me happy.  Can’t you seek help for your sake?

Your family are trying to help but you are pushing them away, telling them you’re fine.  But you are not.  Why can’t you accept the help and get back on track. I am angry at you because you can’t accept the help. I don’t know what to say to your Mum, I barely know her but I have sat with her and listened to stories about you, both good and bad. Can’t you seek help for her sake?

What has triggered this?  My mind is in overdrive going over the days before your spiral began.  Did I say something?  Did I do something? Who else was around, did someone else trigger this?

Because of my situation I now need to put limits on our friendship.  I hate that.  I want to be there for you but I can’t physically be there.  I can send you messages, I will post on your Facebook page because I know it motivates you to do something other than sit in your depressive state, but I cannot see you.  You call me, you’re crying and I want to run to you and tell you that everything is going to be OK and just sit with you until these demons subside but I can’t.

The Dr says that staying away is the best thing for you right now.  I hope you understand, I’m staying away because it’s your chance of getting better, your chance of fighting these demons. It’s not because I don’t care because I do care, I care so much more than I fucking should.

You can do this, you have the strength to pull through and when you do I will be here. You have so much to pull through for.  Your child, it was only a week ago we were laughing with your child and having fun, you were happy to be with your child and they were happy to be with you.  Can’t you seek help for your child’s sake?

Right now all I can do is sit here, watching your whole world and life spiral out of control and fall apart and not being able to do anything about it, I don’t know if this will be the last time we speak, I don’t know if I will ever see you again, I don’t know if the motivational message I send you is too late.  I’m sitting waiting for the phone call to say it’s all over, that your mind is at peace and you’ve found that safe place. Don’t let me get that phone call. I will hate you forever if I get that phone call. Can’t you seek help for my sake?

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  • It is so difficult to watch someone you care about go through such a tough time. Sometimes people just don’t understand they have a problem.

  • I really hope that whoever you’re talking to is able to get help but I also think it’s really great that they have you in their lives. You obviously care about them and want the best for them. Sometimes people just have to go through their situation themselves but when they come out on the other end it’s so important to have a person like you by their side. Good luck to both of you.

    • I hope they are able to get the help as well. I know they read my blog and comments. Unfortunately I think it’s one of those situations where this person will need to hit rock bottom, maybe several times before getting help.

      Thank you for your comment and support


  • Reading this post is a strong reminder of me to reach out to those around me who are in a downward spiral and to be more understanding of the help they need even if they’re not asking for it… Thank you for sharing…

    • Mental health can be a taboo subject at times but it’s something that’s very important to talk about!

  • It’s hard being put in that position. To want to help someone, but not be able to. I always have to remind myself, no matter how much I want to help them, they have to want to help themselves first before anything can happen. Best of luck to your friend; I hope they receive the help they need!

  • I hope the friend you are writing this for appreciates what a wonderful friend they have and finds the strength​ to seek help. I know what’s it’s like to watch someone you love spiral… Remember that it’s important for you to look after yourself too, we cant help fix people if it means breaking ourselves <3

  • I loved reading this! So raw, beautiful, and I relate all too well. I have always been the “fixer”, still am. I hope for both of your sakes this person seeks help.

  • I’m sorry for the painful situation you’re in. I hope that whomever this is written to is able to seek help. May God open doors for you to get to him/her.

  • I read this the other day and am just now sitting down to comment. I’m SO sorry that you’re going through this. But thank you for showing us an honest side to everything! <3

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