Today the summer school holidays came to an end.
After 7 weeks at home I’d finally trained B3 and B4 to sleep in until 9am, B1 and B2 until 8am and taught them how to make their own breakfast. So it was 7 weeks of holidays for me as well as them.
This morning, having to get up at 7am again was a struggle for everyone.
Somehow we made it, B1 and B2 made their own lunches, packed their bags and we arrived at school just before the morning bell.
B1 was rushing out of the car, fumbling over himself as he was trying to get everything out. He looked like he was struggling so I said to him “wait a second and I’ll carry your bag for you.” His reply “no that’s OK Mum, I’ve got it. I’m in year 5 now, you don’t need to come to my classroom.” I wanted to reply “but I don’t know your teacher, I don’t know which classroom you’re in, which friends are with you.” But instead I said, OK. Then he walked off without a hug or a kiss – nothing!!!! Nope, not ready for this so I chased him through the car park “you forgot to give me a hug and a kiss.” He turned and gave me a hug and a kiss and whispered, “I didn’t forget Mum, maybe we’ll say goodbye at home from now on.” Wait, what just happened?
Then I saw him at his classroom, with his girlfriend and friends. I gave him a smile and a wave. He gave me a glare. OMG, it’s happened. It’s no longer “cool” for him to acknowledge he has parents. He’s only just turned 10, this seems to have happened really early. I’m so not ready for this.
B2, B3, B4 and I walk past the new students having their first day of school. I see all the new parents, I remember doing that 18 months ago with B2 and 5 years ago with B1. I thought that was hard, the first day of school, the first day of letting them go, but this, what I’m going through with B1 is so much harder. At least at 5 years of age your children still idolise you.
We walk into B2’s classroom, all the parents are there helping to unpack bags and put away books, they all stay in the classroom long after the class has started. Phew, he still needs me.
I get home and am thankful that B3 and B4 still rely on me 100%. But in 10 years time I’ll be going through this same thing with B4 except I think I’ll be holding on so much more, I don’t think I’ll be able to let go as easily knowing that there’s no more to follow.
One of the hardest things any parent will do is raise and love your kids and let them go, loosen the strings so to speak. Give them the space and freedom to become who they need to. And that’s what’s happening with B1, even if it is much earlier than I wanted.
“To raise a child, who is comfortable enough to leave you, means you’ve done your job, they are not ours to keep, but to teach them to soar on their own.” Ah, so the bright side of this is that I must be doing a good job.
Tonight after school the boys have basketball. B1 is not walking with us to the basketball stadium. He’s meeting us there. Sigh.
Parents, if we could all just get together and somehow figure out how to slow time down or better still stop it, that’d be great!