Back to Me

Divorce, the end of a relationship, even the death of a loved one sends you on a journey you never expected to go on. It forces you to face so many different challenges and takes you way outside of your comfort zone.

Some people handle this by rushing into the next relationship and others take their time to heal – each to their own I guess.

I have never been one to jump from relationship to relationship, don’t get me wrong if that’s something you do and how you heal from relationships and it works for you, well done. Myself, personally, I feel things very deeply and want to make sure I have fully dealt with the past before moving forward. Moving into a new relationship too soon can suppress the damage from a past relationships so you could either make the same mistakes again or issues could come up later down the track.

Divorce for me was not like any other relationship breakdown. It changed me in ways I didn’t think was possible. It made me become a fighter, something I had never been before. I spent so many years hiding behind a wedding ring overwhelming unhappy, wearing a mask to the world to convince everyone I had it all while trying to change myself to please a man that couldn’t be pleased. I completely lost sight of who I was and what I deserved.

The first night after leaving the marital home with 3 kids and pregnant with the 4th I knew it was going to be tough. I knew that parenting 4 kids on my own was going to be hard work and I thought I was prepared for it. I guess I was with the parenting side because throughout the marriage it was often just the kids and I. What I wasn’t prepared for was everything else.

I didn’t rush through my journey to recovery, I’ve taken my time each step of the way. I’ve taken time to get to know me, I’ve spent time on my own learning to love myself, learning to set healthy boundaries and learning which relationships in my life are toxic or dominant and which ones are positive. I didn’t realise the damage that had been done to my mental health and wellbeing by staying in a disfunctional marriage for so long. I thought that would be the easiest thing to recover from but it turns out it’s been the hardest.

I have been completely broken, a couple of times. Once as the relationship ended and then again when I realised that even though the relationship had ended, this man is in my life forever. Certain behaviours I dealt with in the marriage and thought I’d escaped, I still had to deal with. And that was a very tough realisation to come to.

Even though I’ve been here on the blog chatting away, I have shut myself off from a large majority of the world. Family and a few close friends were pretty much the only people I saw or spoke to and that was sporadic. My circle has been kept very small because I still have major trust issues with all people, I’m told by a professional that I always will some trust issues, so I’ve chosen to only have those I can trust around me.

Recently though I’ve found myself feeling like “me” again. Not the married me, the married me had to become a different person but the me I was before I was married before all that stuff happened which changed the way I saw the world. People around me have noticed the shift as well.

I’ve become a little more active in my local community, I’ve met a few more people and have slowly expanded my circle a little.

I don’t live with regrets, I don’t regret being married and I don’t regret that chapter of my life – in fact, I’m incredibly grateful for it. I have the 4 most precious little humans as a result of that chapter in life. And I have a fighting spirit to keep going – no matter what – because I know, at the end of the day, no matter what life throws at me I can survive it.

I am independent for the first time in my life.

I don’t need anyone. The people in my life are there because I want them to be there not because I need them to be.

If you are on this rocky shitty journey, if you’re at the start, in the middle or nearing the end I hope you can find comfort in yourself and others and find your fighting spirit.

The mental freedom of knowing you are independent and can face life on your own is life changing. You suddenly stop searching, stop chasing and all those things you were searching for and chasing start coming to you and they’re better than what you were chasing. They are respectful. Something clicks, I’m not sure what it is, but something within the universe happens and everything changes and that starts with you reliasing that you can do this on your own, you don’t need anyone.

I wish you strength and courage in your journey. Put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. You’ve got this x

To Thank You for coming along on this journey (and reading down to this part of the post!!) download a copy of my eBook – Steps to Reach the Final Goodbye covering the first part of my journey to rebuild my life after divorce for FREE (normally $9.99aud). Enter your email address below to receive your FREE copy direct to your Inbox:

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