Baby Boy

*sigh* Baby Boy, you seem to know when my exhausted body makes its way to bed and when my head hits the pillow.  Is it the quietness of the house at this hour or is it the sound of me in our room that makes you wake?  I lay and listen Baby Boy, hoping that you’ve suddenly learned how to soothe yourself and you will drift off to sleep again but the tossing and turning gets more frequent and then I hear the little “Mumma” from your crib and I know you need me.

*sigh* Baby Boy, one day I will miss this.  One day I will lay in my bed and long to hold you and have you snuggled near.  One day you will be a grown man and all I will have are these memories.  Sometimes, in the still of the night, that seems like so far away but in the harsh reality of the day I know that in the blink of an eye you won’t need me anymore so I sit with you in my bed trying to cherish this moment.

*sigh* Baby Boy, you are now 13 months old, shouldn’t you be sleeping for longer than an hour at a time by now.  Your eldest brother “slept through” from 2 weeks of age and I used to have to set an alarm to feed him.  I was so smug, Baby Boy, I thought I had it all figured out.  Until the rest of you arrived and one by one each of you slept less and less and here you are Baby Boy.  The one that never sleeps.  How are we going to fix this Baby Boy, do we need to fix this Baby Boy?

*sigh* Baby Boy, I think you are asleep so I carefully put you down next to me then as I move my head to the pillow you wake, screaming, so I pick you up Baby Boy and we start again.  This is my fault, isn’t it.  I held you too much when you were much younger, didn’t I.  I read so many articles about how you can’t spoil a baby but here we are Baby Boy.  I held you all the time and now the only way you will sleep is if I hold you.

I don’t regret it, Baby Boy.

*sigh* Baby Boy, I see daylight peaking through the window, that’s it Baby Boy the night is over and our day must begin. I’m sure we’ll do it again, Baby Boy.  Just you and me in the still of the night x


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