And then he was 5

Dear B3

You are turning 5. FIVE!!!! A whole hand!!!! Can you believe it.

It’s really hard to believe that it’s been 5 years since you made your very quick arrival into this world.

I remember the day clearly. It was a few days before your due date and as your brothers were weeks overdue I still thought I had a week or two until you’d be here. In fact, we hadn’t even set up the nursery yet. It was a student free day at school. Just after lunch, your two older brothers had a dentist appointment. On arriving home – BAM – full on labour pains and about 45 minutes later, walking in the door of the hospital you were born.

At that moment I was able to exhale. See, you are my rainbow baby. The baby before you didn’t make it this far so I spent the entire 9 months of pregnancy holding my breath. Every twinge I felt nervous, every scan I felt nervous, even when I knew I was in full labour I still felt nervous.

As soon as I held you it all melted away. This baby stuck, he was here, he had the biggest mop of hair and I finally had his small warm body in my arms.

Relief.

Just under two years later, we were on our own. Your older brothers, you and me.

It was you who kept me going in those early days. I had to feed my body for your younger brother who I was pregnant with but it was you I had to get out of bed for. It was you I had to wear a smile for. It was your nappy that needed to be changed, it was you who needed the cuddles. You were still 100% dependent on me. I had to keep going for all of you boys but you forced me to.

I was in a haze. I know you don’t remember but I’m sorry because I wasn’t a great Mum back then. We got by but we didn’t have the kind of fun we have now.

That’s why I cherish every moment with you. That’s why when you go to hold my hand I don’t let go. My 3rd baby is no longer a baby and sometimes I struggle with that and just want to hold you a little longer. Please don’t ever let go of my hand. Ok, maybe in 20 years time you can let go!

At 5, you are my McQueen driving, Thomas loving little kitchen hand. You are a boys boy. Dirt. Mud. Cars. Trucks. Trains.

You have the most infectious little smile. You give the best hugs. You’re learning so much. You write your name, you write my name!

Moo, you have a special place in my heart and I can’t believe you are 5. I can’t believe next year you are off to big boy school. Let’s go on lots of adventures on the days we have left together this year. What do you think?

I love you to the moon and back.

Happy Birthday

Mummy x

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