A Mum is born

My first born, B1, will soon be turning 10. 10! Ten!!! I  can’t get my head around that. It seriously feels like just yesterday he was born.

I remember what it was like to be 10 and it doesn’t feel like that long ago. Times have changed and being 10 today is so much different. B1 wants all the latest technical gadgets, iPhone, iPad, Xbox’s, laptops, Facebook. It feels like kids these days are forced to grow up too quickly.

I wasn’t always sure I wanted to be a Mum. It was something that had crossed my mind from time to time but I was never one of these girls who desperately talked about becoming a Mum. Even as my friends had kids I still didn’t really have the urge.

B1 was a surprise, a very pleasant surprise.

I was feeling like I had a permanent hangover and could not get enough tomatoes. The thought of being pregnant never crossed my mind until a work mate joked that maybe I was pregnant after I was complaining once again about feeling ill. I waited about a week after that before I took a pregnancy test. I was scared, my relationship with my now ex husband was already rocky and bringing a child into that wasn’t a good idea. But during the week I imagined what it would be like to be a Mum and have a baby. Was I finally ready?

I decided to take a pregnancy test – it was negative. My 1st reaction was disappointment, I’d built up this fantasy baby in my head and now it wouldn’t be a reality. I felt like I’d lost something.

More time went by and I still felt ill. I visited the Dr and of course the 1st question was “could you be pregnant” “no, definitely not” I was on the pill which i took religiously and had already taken a pregnancy test. The Dr suggested a blood test and much to my surprise I  was pregnant.

I was booked in for the usual tests. The due date was fuzzy, I certainly didn’t look pregnant and based on symptoms I’d been experiencing the Dr suggested I was about 8 or 9 weeks pregnant.

2 weeks later I went for an ultrasound and a little healthy baby appeared on the screen. The lady doing the scan said I was 19 weeks pregnant.

Shit! I was one of those women who didn’t realise they were pregnant, I’m intelligent and well educated – how did I not know this.

Shit! I was already half way through this pregnancy with absolutely nothing planned or purchased.

Shiiiiittttt how much alcohol had I been drinking during those 19 weeks.

I also found out at the ultrasound that I was having a boy, OMG a little boy.

Fast forward 22 weeks and a healthy B1 was born. It really does feel like yesterday and I feel like I’ve blinked and all of a sudden he is 10.

When you’re pregnant with your 1st child everyone tries to explain to you what it’s like to become a parent and how quick the time goes but until it actually happens you have no idea. I can’t even put into words what it is like, amazing doesn’t cut it – it’s so much bigger than amazing and time really does go so fast.

B1, I remember holding your warm little body when you were born. I remember changing your nappy for the first time and you peeing all over me! I remember when it was just you and me and we would dance around the lounge room floor. I remember everything, your first tooth, the first time you walked, talked. Your 1st birthday party where I burst into tears when everyone sang happy birthday. I remember when I married your father you were almost 2 and walked me down the aisle, I was so proud of you. I remember your 3rd birthday when you stood on our back doorstep announcing to everyone that it was f#@king cake time! Your kindy graduation. Your 1st day of school, school plays, sports days, book parades, at all of these events I’ve cried tears of joy that you are mine – I made you and sometimes that’s so hard to believe.

I remember this year when your little brother was born you were standing by my side, holding my hand. It was such a big moment and I was so proud that you wanted to be there to look after me. One day you will understand how much of a big deal that was for you and for me.

I remember it all little man.

Happy Birthday B1 ❤

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