I have a type. Tall, dark and handsome. Celebrity wise, think Rob Lowe, John Mayer, Zac Efron and John Stamos. Personality wise I like someone who can make me laugh, has old fashioned values and is ROMANTIC. Every man I have dated up until I met my ex husband had been exactly this.
Then I met my ex husband. He was not tall, he was not dark, I guess I must have thought he was handsome when I met him. He wasn’t overly funny, he was completely blunt, called a spade a spade as the saying goes and was not at all romantic.
At first this bothered me, I need romance. I’m not talking flowers or expensive gifts. I’m talking about the little things, the things that don’t cost a lot of money. The little things that show you care. A good morning or good night text message, a little love note, a poem, an unexpected phone call or visit, picnics, walks along the beach, a candle or 2 lit in the bedroom not a TV used for “mood lighting”. Old fashioned romance.
Then, as time went by and children arrived I began to convince myself (with my ex husbands persuasion) that romance was not required in a long term relationship. The thing he always told me was “this is real life, not Days of our Lives”. Eventually, I figured that’s why it didn’t work out with anyone else. Because the relationship wasn’t built on real life. It was built on a fantasy of walks along the beach and little love notes and therefore couldn’t be maintained long term.
But there comes a time in a long term relationship, particularly a marriage with children where you long for romance, just something to show me that we’re not just two people cohabitating in the same space. Something that shows you love me and appreciate me.
I did things. Love notes, text messages, vouchers, candles etc but there was nothing coming back. Nothing like I’d had before. Nothing to say I was loved.
I know and if you’ve read my previous posts, you also know that this was not the reason we fell apart. But I often wonder if this is contributed to some of our initial problems.
It also makes me wonder if once you’ve established the foundations of a relationship is romance required?